January Thoughts

1/20/10: Some thoughts from the day…

I eat crab. Not only do I eat it, but today I was so hungry that I even pulled the claws off of the body and cracked them open! However, I was not hungry enough to fight the hairy legs to get more meat from them. Maybe that will come with time. Eating crab is definitely a battle between my stomach and my phobia. Sometimes my phobia wins. Toady my stomach won.
In regards to fish heads, I have not ventured there yet. I have gotten closer and closer and eat more and more of the fish, but the heads still look a bit gross to me. The thought of sucking out the brains and whatever else dwells in the head still turns me off…who knows how much time and hunger will motivate me later though.

In Yap, the steering wheel is on the other side of the car. Not on all cars of course, but most of them. People still drive on the right side of the road though which seems like it would be interesting. That kind of makes me wish that Peace Corps did not have the no driving a car EVER policy. I would like to see what it is like to drive on the right side of the car and road.

There are no hellos here. People here are not accustomed to saying hello to each other. Their language does not have a word for hello or hi, so they do not really say it. If they greet you at all it is with ila nga, which means good-bye. That always makes me wonder why we say hello when we walk by someone and do not stay to chat. Why don’t we say good-bye? I mean we are if we are not staying to have a conversation it kind of makes sense to just say good-bye. It was hard at first to get used to the idea of not greeting people with a hello, but now it seems to work. Of course, I am still in the habit of saying hello, and people are actually catching on and will say hello back to me. The kids just love it! They will run up to me, say hello, and run away laughing. It cracks me up too, but for a different reason. They are laughing because they spoke to me and used that funny word hello. I am laughing because they are adorable and it is quite amusing to hear them experiment with English. I just love the kids here!

I think I am losing touch with the American reality. I have a hard time judging what is normal in the US and if things I do here would be normal back home. It is really strange because I will see something and think oh yeah, who doesn’t use coconut shells to crack open a crab claw? Or why is that lady wearing a shirt…that’s strange! Also, I have come to believe that cooking spam on a kerosene stove is luxury! I bought my first can of canned meat the other day as a splurge; a special treat! We ate it along with a package of Idahoan instant mashed potatoes and a pack of ramen. That was a feast for us and we were ooh-ing and aah-ing at how fancy and delicious our meal was! Our definition of luxury has definitely entered a new realm and would absolutely not be considered luxury to you all on your computers and internet. J

I have traded in my cell phone for a two-way radio! Woleai does not have internet or phone access, but we do have two-way radios! It is kind of fun using them too. If I ever want to tell Porter or Emily something I can just get on the radio and call their number with hopes that someone is on the other side of the radio to hear my call. “99. 99. 99. 99. 113 calling.” While I cannot really contact the US with the radio I can call my fellow Woleaian volunteers to ask a question or chat. Of course nothing is private, but every one knows all of my business anyways, so why not broadcast it on the radio?!

1/21/10: A new me

I just realized that I have to relearn all about myself again here. I mean knowing the self is an ongoing process, but I really have to put energy into figuring out my standards and limits. I have to figure out my eating habits all over again. I had pretty much figured out which foods made me feel good and which foods upset my stomach and that I needed to stay away from. Now, it’s like I am trying food for the first time. Sometimes when I eat taro I feel ok and I even enjoy eating it, but sometimes when I eat taro it tastes gross and my bowels hate me for eating it. It is like that with every food here. I have to rotate everything I eat so that I don’t get tired of eating a certain food and begin to really dislike the food. Another thing I have to adjust to is my sleeping habits. I am usually a great sleeper and don’t have any trouble sleeping through the night and getting a fantastic nights sleep. Sleeping here is a different story. I don’t feel like I sleep at all! I am constantly awake tossing and turning trying to get comfortable and get to sleep. I am not sure exactly what the contributors are to my lack of quality sleep, but I am sure it is a mix of diet and location. I sleep on a thin mattress that is getting even thinner from my sleeping on it. Luckily I have a great pillow that is quite comfortable, even if it is molding…
I am also learning my mental states. I have to figure out what are the contributing factors of my happiness and how I can try and get more of whatever it is into my life. I am trying to develop habits and routines here for myself that will lead to my success with myself and with the community. I am constantly in a whirlwind of learning and adjusting. Every day is different from the next depending on what I eat, what I don’t eat, who I talk to, who I spend time with or don’t spend time with. I am trying so hard to reach a balance in my life here but it is proving very difficult to find. Some days I do a perfect job at reaching that balance, and other days I fail miserably.

1/24/10: Success!

Today was a really good day in my classes. With seventh grade I am using the adjectives in writing and I think they feel good about it. They seem to know what I am teaching them. I can especially tell when students get it because the lowest one in the class will confidently say answers. With my eighth graders we played a game using subject and verb agreement practice. They all did really well and seemed to like the game. It went slowly at first but by the end they were getting into it and I could tell they were feeling competitive and wanted to win! There was one sentence that no one could get and even at the end of the game they could not figure out the answer, so we all did it together. They got all excited and were shouting the answers and trying to get it. It was really fun and they seemed to have fun with it today. Plus I felt like they were learning in the process which is always my goal!

1/29/10: Flower Shower

I was just showered with marmars! I am leaving on the ship today to head to Yap and my school made me tons and tons of marmars and put them around my neck and atop my head. I think there are like 8 on my head right now. Ok, I just counted and there are 5, but it seems like more. AND they have more in a box for me that they said I am going to take with me on the ship. I have to say that I smell quite beautifully! I truly love the marmars here. I have always loved flowers (who doesn’t?) and now I know how to make flower necklaces that I can share with friends and family back home! I am really excited about having that skill to take with me. Florida has many of these flowers that they have here and many others as well so I will be able to make beautiful marmars for people back home!
Also Cindia, the principal’s wife, gave me a lavalava yesterday! It is highlighter orange!! It is a bit small but I love it just the same! I know that lavalavas are an everyday ordinary thing, but I feel so honored and special when they give me one, or even when I wear them. Now that I have made one myself I know what all goes into making them and it is a LOT of work! A good amount of money and time go into the lavalavas they make and their work shows! I really enjoy being a part of a culture that takes pride in their work. It makes me proud to be a part of their community.
Now I am sitting at my house eating lunch, and about six kids came up to me and put more marmars on my head! I have this huge marmar turban that makes it hard to do much moving because if I bend my head down all of the flowers come toppling down!
This afternoon as I was getting into the boat that was going to take me to the ship, three people came running up to me and handed me even more marmars!! I was already covered and did not think I could fit any more on top of my head (I was wrong), so I passed about 5 out to the men on the boat to wear. I felt like an island princess in my chariot on my way to the ship that was going to take me to a new land full of yummy food! I just counted how many marmars I have on me…22!!!! That does not count the ones that I gave away on Falalop either! Yeesh I feel very loved!

2/21/10: Unexpected Lesson

Yesterday was pure magic. I went down to the beach to meet the ship so I could get the rest of my packages that I put on there. The ones with all of the yummy food that people sent to me J. The lagoon was absolutely dreamy! The sun was shining on the water and it looked like something out of a magazine, just dazzling! Well, I was walking along the beach when I heard a bunch of little kids begin chanting “Hello Gita!” over and over again. It was a group of the head start students just hanging out at the beach waiting for the people to come in from the ship. I went over to them and they all wanted to hold my hand and touch my skin and hair. They kept pointing to my arms and belly and saying “bueshibueshi” which means white. Yes I know I am white even though I live without a shirt on! I just do not tan okay! Plus these people think the sun is evil and they tell me to get out of it, even if I am in it for only a moment. I mean the sun is really hot, but seriously people I will not melt. Anyways, so these adorable children are showering me with attention and I am just soaking it up. We all sat down under a canoe house and I was teaching them a couple names for body parts like fingers, eyes, nose, ect. I would point to a part of my body and say the name and they would all giggle and say it back to me. As I sat there laughing with about ten 3 to 5 year olds all looking at me with intense curiosity and excitement, who were all covered in marmars and leis, wiggling and giggling trying to be the closest to me, I realized that this is what my time here is all about. I just want to hang out with the little kids and laugh and play and pretend to take pictures with digital cameras that did not exist. I was fully present in that moment and it was quite perfect. To add to the perfectness Porter brought me an envelope with bunch of letters in it! My day could not get much better then that.